“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Alex.”

Alex looked up from the glass mug he was wiping out with a bar rag and into the gentle smile of the human-sized titan sitting at the end of the bar. Pryvani, or her avatar at any rate, was dressed in the Atlantaean style of soft leather breeches and a loose cloth tunic. The tunic was a deep blue color which matched her current hair color of turquoise and purple. Like everything else she wore, she made it look amazing.

The bartender sighed and put the glass onto the bar top in front of him with a muted thud. “I can’t help it, Pryvani.” He muttered. “Another ‘session’ with Rixie, another bout of screaming panic for me. It doesn’t seem like I’m making any progress whatsoever and… it’s embarrassing.”

Pryvani bit her lip. “Alex… you went through something traumatic. You were injured pretty severely, both physically and psychologically. It’s not surprising that the experience left a scar on you. But… you’re acting like there’s a time limit on your recovery… it’s almost like you think if you’re not all better by a certain date, you never will be. That’s rubbish thinking, dear, and it’s not doing you any good. Rixie isn’t going anywhere.”

Alex shook his head. “Isn’t she?”

Pryvani’s eyes narrowed and she leaned forward. “Darling, what are you talking about?”

Alex set the rag in his hand down and leaned against the bar, his head turned away from the titan and refusing to look Pryvani in the eye. “It’s… Look, every time she appears in this bar, there’s this little voice inside my head that goes ‘that’s not really her.’ I know, in my head, that every move this Rixie makes it’s the same move the Rixie up on the mountain makes, that every word said down here is the same said up there but… I can’t seem to convince my heart that it’s really her. And, damn it Pryvani, I miss her. It’s like I’m in a long distance relationship. And I know that every time I fail, it’s just another day that I’m trapped away from her.

“Alex…”

“I’m being quarantined, Pryvani.” Alex sighed. “I know it’s for my own good. I know that you’ve all done everything you can to help me, and believe me I’m grateful. But… I just don’t know how much more of this I can take…”

Alex picked up the rag again, to continue wiping down the bar, but stopped when he felt Pryvani’s hand on his cheek. He looked up and his eyes met her brilliant blue ones.

She smiled softly as she cupped his face and Alex saw both deep compassion and, surprisingly, guilt reflected in her eyes. He was surprised but didn’t really have time to dwell on the idea before Pryvani leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

“Alex, I know this is painful for you. I can see it on your face. But you’re sick, dear. You need to give yourself time to become healthy. Rushing this won’t help you get back to her. It’ll get better, I know it will.”

“How do you know?” Alex sighed.

“Because I have faith in you, darling.” Pryvani whispered gently. “You’re stronger than the pain.”

*.*.*.*.*

Alex stared at the darkened ceiling above his bed. It was the middle of the night in Atlantis, but it might as well have been high noon for all that Alex could sleep. His mind whirled away with a thousand thoughts at once. Some of them were about his bar, some of them were about the situation that, despite a multitude of improvements, was still raging in the city.

Most of them, however, were about Rixie.

It had been almost a month- an Archavian month- that she and Nick had been working with Alex to get his panic attacks under control. And there had been many improvements, but Alex seemed to have plateaued. He could handle her presence up to a certain point, but not for very long and only if she didn’t move very much.

It was frustrating.

Alex reached over to his bedside table and thumbed a small device laying there next to his clock. He pressed a button on top of the device and after a second, a fountain of bluish light shot from the machine and slowly coalesced into a holographic image of Rixie.

It was essentially a three dimensional photograph. He smiled and took it into his hands, rotating the image so that he could see her from every angle. He spun the image idly until it settled on an angle that was looking up at her from below.

It was a view that Alex was pretty familiar with.

With a sigh he put the small projector back on the table and turned it off. He sat up and put his feet on the floor, gripping his bedsheets in his fingers.

What they were doing, it wasn’t working. Pryvani, as well meaning as she was, was wrong. They were using the holograms as a crutch and Alex decided he needed to be proactive. The time for soft-pedaling the issue was done with.

He grabbed a small duffle bag and threw a few days’ worth of clothes into it before slinging it over his shoulder. He grabbed a pen and paper from his desk and jotted a quick note to his staff informing them of where he’d gone and leaving instructions on running Rixie’s.

He took a second to look around the room he’d been living in for several months, before heading out the door, down the stairs to his bar, and out into the chill of the Avalonian night.

Alex travelled quickly through the streets, which were much safer than they had been during the pandemic, and made his way towards the temple at the center of the city.

The temple loomed ahead of him. The building stood as tall as it ever had but was still marred by scorch marks and damage it had received during the trouble times. Alex thought it was something of a fit symbol for what the Avalonian people had gone through.

Nevertheless, he quickly approached and entered into one of the side doors. From there he traversed the dark hallways, mostly by memory, until he reached a staircase that led down into the basement.

The room he entered was a fairly recent addition to the temple although it looked more like it belonged in a New York subway line than in a city that was just on the cusp of industrialization.

Of course, the Tram was a fairly recent addition and not built entirely by human hands. Mostly it was used to transport a relative handful of people to and from the Titan compound on Tayas Mons. Alex himself had never ridden it, but he did have access to its use.

He’d never used that access before, but he was about to.

He stepped onto the platform of the tram and punched in an access code. After a moment the engine roared to life and with a lurch the train started moving through the dimly lit subterranean tunnel.

For the time being, the tram only went to and from Tayas Mons, and was largely used by Nick, Sophia and Zhan- although sometimes Lysis used it as well. But, the hope was that someday it could be expanded into a high-speed railway system that reached every corner of Avalon.

Alex had hopes that that day would come soon.

The ride only lasted ten, fifteen minutes before the tram began to slow down. The deceleration was steady until it docked in the receiving station in the Tarsuss compound. Alex hefted his pack and stepped off the train.

The first thing he needed to do was find Rixie. Of course, how he was to manage that without falling into a panic induced coma… he wasn’t exactly certain about.

Alex climbed the staircase and stepped out into a vast hallway. A Titan-sized hallway. For a moment, he was gripped with fear at the sheer size of the room around him, but after a few deeps breaths he was able to regain control of himself and keep back the panic attack. Alex had to admit that his sessions with Nick and Rixie were good for some things, at least.

It didn’t take him long to determine where he was. He wasn’t far, relatively speaking, from the apartment he and Rixie had shared before his accident. Granted, that ‘relatively close’ was still going to be a bit of a walk for him. Seeing nothing else for it, Alex hefted his pack and began the trek.

He watched, through the floor to ceiling windows that Pryvani had installed in this hallway, as the sun rose and drove away the night. It wouldn’t be long now until he arrived at the apartment, and then he’d be able to see Rixie again.

He just had to hope that his subconscious would be as happy to see her as the rest of him was.

Alex felt a tremor in the floor underneath him. He surmised that it must be the footsteps of a Titan. His heart started thumping and he fought down the urge to panic. He pressed himself against the wall and screwed his eyes shut, desperately telling himself that whoever the person coming closer was, they were his friend. They didn’t want to hurt him.

“Hello, who are you?” Alex didn’t recognize the voice. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself looking up into the brown eyes of a young girl, who was looking at him curiously.

This must be Thyllia. He thought. Pryvani had mentioned her sister to him, of course, and he knew the story of how she’d come to be living on Avalon, but he hadn’t had the opportunity of actually meeting her, for obvious reasons.

Until now, that is.

Alex’s breathing was becoming more rapid as Thyllia slowly bent down to get a closer look at him. Her inquisitive eyes blinked slowly and she smiled at him.

“I haven’t seen you before.” She said to him, her voice barely above a whisper. “My name is Thyllia, what’s yours?”

Alex swallowed and took an involuntary step back. His knees wobbled and he leaned against the wall for support.

Thyllia frowned. “Are you okay? You look scared.”

Alex shook his head and tried to respond, but was finding it difficult to talk. The trembling in his limbs was becoming worse and he slid down along the wall until he was seated on the floor.

Thyllia’s eyes widened and she rose to her feet. “I…uh…” The young titan looked around desperately for some clue as to what to do. She decided she needed an adult to handle the situation.

“I… I’ll go get help. Stay here, okay?” She told the trembling human at her feet before turning and running back down the hallway in the direction she’d come from.

“PRYVANI!”

Thyllia pelted down the corridor blindly until she suddenly ran into a larger body.

“Oof.” The figure grunted, grabbing Thyllia by the shoulders. “Thyllia, what’s the matter?”

The little girl looked up to find Zara staring down at her. The adult Titan had a concerned look on her face.

“Zara!” Thyllia panted. “There’s… a human… I think something is wrong with him.”

Zara’s eyes narrowed in concern. “Show me.”

She followed Thyllia back down the corridor to where Alex was on the floor, pressed up against the wall, his body was shaking uncontrollably by this point.

“Oh no…” Zara muttered. “Alex what are you doing here?”

“Zara what’s wrong with him?” Thyllia asked, whispering softly as she peeked out from behind Zara’s legs.

Zara knelt down and looked into Thyllia’s eyes. “Thyllia, listen carefully because this is important. I want you to go find your sister as quick as you can, and if you run into Rixie tell her to come with you. Tell her, it’s about Alex. Have you got that?”

Thyllia nodded. “It’s about Alex.” She repeated, before turning and scampering down the hallway. Meanwhile, Zara turned back to the human at her feet. She bit her lip and wondered what the hell she should do now.

“Okay…” she muttered to herself. She knew Alex’s attacks were often triggered by Titans looming over him, so she quickly sat down on the ground and got as low as she possibly could. “Alex, can you hear me? It’s Zara.”

Alex shook his head but didn’t otherwise respond.

Gently, Zara reached out a hand and began to softly touch Alex’s arm with one of her fingers. “Alex… it’s-It’s okay. You’re safe up here. No one is going to hurt you. Okay?”

Zara heard a number of footsteps coming down the corridor and a second later Thyllia appeared being trailed by a very worried and frantic looking Pryvani and Rixie.

“There he is!” Thyllia informed the two women, pointing at Alex’s prone body. “Is he going to be okay?”

Rixie ignored the question, instead moving closer to Alex. Pryvani, meanwhile, pulled Thyllia back a few paces before kneeling down next to her.

“Oh Thyllia… I don’t know. Alex is very sick.”

“Is he going to get better?” The girl asked in a hushed voice.

“I don’t know, dear. We’re trying to find a way, but it hasn’t been easy.” Pryvani sighed, shaking her head. “And I’m not sure this will make it any easier.”

“I hope he does get better.” Thyllia muttered sadly.

“Me too, darling.” Pryvani pulled her sister into a hug. “Me too.”

Seeing no other alternative, Rixie gathered Alex’s near catatonic body into her hand and practically ran towards the holosuites.

“Alex what the hell were you thinking, coming up here?” She muttered, mostly to herself.

“M-missed… you…”

Rixie’s eyes widened and she looked down at the figure in her hand. Alex was still shaking uncontrollably, but he was looking straight up at her. His eyes were completely clear and focused.

Rixie bit her lip. “Come on; let’s get you into a holosuite.”

*.*.*.*

Moments later, Rixie stood across from Alex. He’d recovered, and now that they were both at the same scale, she could finally try and figure out just what the hell he’d been trying to accomplish.

“Alex just what the hell were you trying to accomplish?” She sighed, running a hand through her braids.

“I told you.” Alex responded. He was sitting on the floor, looking haggard after his latest episode. “I missed you. I wanted to see you.”

“You could have seen me in the morning when I came down to the bar. Like I always do.” Rixie’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

“That’s not you!” Alex snapped desperately. “That’s… I don’t know, a collection of light photons and a forcefield… or whatever. It looks like you, sure. It talks like you, and it transmits what you say and do but damn it Rixie… no matter how good the technology is, it’s fucking not you!”

Rixie stepped back, shocked by the sudden outburst. “Alex- I…”

“I know that you’re all just trying to help me. I know it’s been hard on you too, and I’m grateful for everything you and Nick and everybody else have done for me. And… for a while it helped. But, Rix… I can’t do this anymore. I miss you, the real you, too damn much. I miss sitting on your shoulder, I miss the way your shampoo smells, I miss watching you sleep… Hell, I even kind of miss the way the ground shakes a little when you walk around the apartment.

Alex’s shoulders sagged. He sat back on the floor and put his head in his hands, as if his outburst had drained all the energy he had left.

“I…” Rixie cleared her throat and tried again. “Alex, I don’t really know what to say.” She crossed the room and sat down across from him. She reached out and took his hands in hers, causing him to look up and their eyes to meet.

“I… I’ve missed you too. The apartment is awful empty without you in it… and… you’re right, the holos aren’t the same. But, Alex… We have to face the fact that you… you know.”

“Panic at the sight of a titan.” Alex finished in a deadpan voice.

“Yes.” Rixie sighed. “That.”

Alex shook his head. “The holos aren’t helping that. I mean, obviously they help with the whole ‘not panicking’ thing. But… well, I can’t seem to get past that point, Rix. I need to keep pushing this or I’ll never get better. It’s time for me to actually face my fears.”

Rixie’s eyes narrowed. “You know what you’re asking me?”

“Yes.” Alex nodded and his eyes met her again. “I do. And I know it’s not going to be easy, for either of us but especially for you. But I need your help here. And… I trust you. Deep down, there’s still the part of me that trusts you, Rix. I want to get back to that.”

Rixie sighed again. “This is going to hurt like hell.”

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

Rixie nodded and rose to her feet. “Right. Well, nothing else for it then. But… we’ll start in the morning.”

She nodded over to the corner of the holosuite where a large bed suddenly shimmered into existence. “Come on.” Rixie said, grabbing Alex by the hand and leading him over to the bed. “You’re in no shape to do this now. You look exhausted.”

“Hm.” Alex agreed, nodding slightly.

“That’s what I thought.” Rixie said, pulling back the covers and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Let’s get some sleep, and we’ll start in the morning.”