“It was you…wasn’t it?” Darren asked with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

“You’ll have to be more specific, darling, I’m afraid I have quite an eventful life. What was me?” Pryvani took another drink and uncrossed her legs only to re-cross them in opposite fashion.

“The data stream thinggie, the files, all that earth crud…movies, music, everything. You made that happen, didncha?” Darren followed Pryvani’s expressive eyes as she simply smiled cleverly and shrugged almost gleefully.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sergeant Avery. Initiating an unauthorized data capture from a restricted alien zone is strictly prohibited. Why, I could incur a hefty fine if I was foolish enough to do such a thing – not to mention that as a senator, I’m sworn to uphold the law.” The hidden tone in Pryvani’s words and the expressiveness of her eyes told Darren a much different story, a silent wordless conversation exchanged between them as Darren took a cigar from his shirt pocket, and Pryvani tipped her drink to him with her usual grace.

“But while it may have been illegal, I can’t fault them. After all, the person responsible did make a few earthlings I know quite a deal less homesick…and I’m sure that was their goal,” Pryvani mused.

“Ain’t it the truth…”

***

It had been a full two days since Aisell’s fool-hearted attempt to pull Darren out of his funk through unconventional means. Since then, Aisell and Darren spoke few words to one another. Aisell, however, remained steadfast and diligent in her care routine for Darren. While neither of them were overly talkative, the mood between them was a great deal more awkward than it had been previously, as now Aisell had a tremendous feeling of guilt and shame to go along with Darren’s quiet desolation.

Aisell carried her feelings much the same way Darren had dealt with his, by bottling them up and shoving them as deep down as she could. Aehza, Gae, Yamanu and Lezah had been about as much help as they were going to be and the more she dwelt upon it the more it seemed to bother her. She was failing, and that in itself made Aisell feel frustrated and angry, but now that she had crossed the line there was a whole other slew of internal questions she had to battle over. How badly had she crossed that line? Would Darren hold it against her? Had she made things better, worse, or had her actions done little to change anything at all? There was very little worry for her own sake; if she had consequences for what she had done to Darren she would accept them with full responsibility. Her main focus for concern continued to be Darren Avery.

Darren spent even less time around the group since his encounter with Aisell. He had suffered no lasting visible injury, but his pride above all was damaged far more than the small cut on the side of his forehead. In his proper state of mind Darren would clearly feel no shame in being bested by a girl, especially when that girl was larger than a cruise ship. Nor would he be particularly bothered by what she had done, as he knew a few of his buddies back home who might take the same approach as Aisell had. This was indeed a language Darren understood, growing up where he did…those he called friends often used outward signs of physical aggression to show affection and comradely.

No, in his right state of mind he may have given Aisell a nasty cut on the hand and laughed it off, as he’d done to Eyrn more than once. A flick in the side, a concentrated blow of rushed air from the lips, a cleverly placed stomp to take him off guard were all things Eyrn could be found guilty of herself.

Things felt different now, however. Rather than challenged and competitive, Darren felt threatened, cornered and defeated. Aisell’s actions clearly demonstrated how helpless he was, even in the hands of a titan he knew he could trust. She hadn’t made him fear for his life, she hadn’t even managed to rightly convince him she had serious intentions to bring harm to him, what she had done stung far worse than any of that. It had been an act, she had been pulling her punches, in the sickest sense of the word….toying with Darren. Aisell Maris, could have killed him, without so much as breaking a sweat.

Living with Eyrn for so long, both on Earth and here on Archavia, Darren had known this fact to be true, but he had never really mulled over it, experienced it, and lived it. All of those other titans were adversaries. Darren was trained and prepared to one day accept the fact that he might fall to an adversary. Be it an insurgent, an enemy soldier, or a weapon designed to end his life, but an ally, a friend? Never had he stopped to consider the power the benevolent forces in his life had over him. The more he thought about it, the angrier it made him, which was more than he had felt in a long while.

The anger had done little to pull Darren back to a clear state of mind, rather it only seemed to further entrench him in his hopeless mindset. Only now rather than simply sulk silently, he brooded silently. Darren didn’t have a purpose and it bothered him, but now he had to live with that information while watching his friends and comrades live out theirs, he had gone from depressed and hopeless, to angry and hopeless, which wasn’t a whole lot better. Nothing seemed strong enough to pull him close enough to normality to enable him to care enough to seek change, nothing…save for a close brush with the reaper.

It happened while he was walking from the kitchen to Aisell’s bedroom. Most of the gang was sitting in the living room watching a movie on the holo projector, their laughter and merriment was particularly grating to him today, so he had decided to head to Aisell’s room where it was quiet. Aehzay had left the room to get some snacks and Aisell was out in the garden at the time. Darren had not bothered to heed most stringent and unwavering household commandment, ‘thou shalt not walk in the middle of the hallway if thou be a human.’ It was in place for their own protection, and acted as a safeguard in case the equally as important and unwavering, ‘Thou shalt watch where thy feet step if thou be a titan’ rule failed.

Darren saw Aehzay coming from a far enough distance that he easily could have stepped out of her way without incident. Darren instead found himself transfixed on the oncoming titan like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck. Her eyes were forward and she was carrying far more than she should have been – a bowl, three glasses and a bag of twists pinned between two fingers dangling down. It didn’t take long for the distant giantess to close the gap with her long, powerful strides.

Darren’s legs refused to cooperate. Even his mind seemed to betray him at the pivotal moment.

‘This would solve all your problems you know,” a voice inside Darren droned.

‘I shouldn’t…’ Darren responded.

‘Why not?’ The voice purred.

‘It wouldn’t be right…they’ve been good to me…they’d feel guilty…’ Darren argued back.

‘Is that it? Is that the only reason?’ a quiet, almost inaudible voice asked.

“Well….” Darren began.

‘Shhh, don’t think about it, just relax, close your eyes, it’ll be over soon,’ said the siren’s call.

Darren closed his eyes.

‘No,’ the softer voice demanded. ‘Watch, keep them open. If you’re going to be a coward at least have the dignity to watch.’

Darren opened his eyes. The distant Aehzay was now all but dominating his vision, an imposing figure of a woman whose steps covered distances difficult for the human mind to comprehend. One step ago she was so far away, then suddenly upon him, her feet themselves covered incredible mass patches of land, flattening anything and everything in their path beneath, Darren was standing directly in the path of her next few steps – and if not directly, close enough to ricochet off the following one as she lifted her foot, either end would result in his demise.

Darren’s heart raced, his pulse threatened to burst out his neck, his palms were clammy and his throat dry. Cottonballs filled his mouth it seemed as he parted his lips to say something, but his words were lost.

‘It’ll be over soon,’ the twisted voice repeated over and over.

“No!” Darren whispered, low at first, then louder. In desperation Sergeant Darren Avery dove out of the way, rolling against the hardwood floor just as Aehzay’s footfall landed right where he had been standing. Had he not moved he would have been flattened quickly, with no chance of survival. The tumble hurt, and Aehzay continued on her way blissfully unaware of what nearly transpired.

But Darren remained where he was, his heart beating fiercely, and his eyes wide like saucers. He felt alive. Shaken, but alive.

Which was more than he had felt for quite some time.

***

“Game over, user wins.” The electronic voice intoned as the miniature star cruisers dematerialized, and the faint starry background faded to nothingness. Aisell pressed her lips together tightly as she circled the hexagon shaped ring she had set up just out of the way to the south side of the farm house. Bellona Tol-Bot tables were portable platforms that came in three pieces; once placed together they created a small practice arena where players could challenge one another, or challenge an AI in a scaled down, no frills version of Tol-Bot.

“Set field, AI level 8.” Aisell commanded as she rounded the small circular field back to her starting point. “Set up game.”

“Acquiring field information….initializing auxilluty unit data…randomizing field spectrum….please wait,” The electronic voice droned. The small black pad emitted a faint light as it began to set up for the next match.

“I used to have an old IBM 386 with Battle Chess,” Darren said as he hoisted himself up onto the edge of the wooden deck. From this vantage he could see Aisell and her strange toy more clearly. Oh, they were still off in the distance a bit, but they had a tendency to loom. “funny lil’ game…the pieces would fight when you moved em.”

Aisell looked over to Darren, masking her surprise with an attempted nod of acknowledgment.

“That thing used to kick my ass,” Darren said, — there was still a washed-out exhaustion in his voice. “’Till I got good enough to beat it, after that it didn’t make much sense to keep playing.”

“What’s your point?” Aisell asked, keeping her eyes on the field as it began to spawn the terrain.

“Computers don’t get better, it’s as good as it is and that’s it.” Darren said, taking a seat on the edge and letting his legs dangle. “You can’t better yer’self against no computer.”

“I don’t think this is the same thing as you’re remembering. This AI adapts, learns and betters itself. It’s designed as a training partner. This is professional grade,” Aisell said, her confidence not quite absolute.

“I’ve been sitting out here for three hours, and you blew through every one of those levels like nothing, you’ve been at this for days. You beat it yesterday in three hours, and the day before that three hours…and ‘m willing to bet the time before that….”

“Three hours,” Aisell chuckled and shook her head.

“Point is, your too good for that, you need a challenge if you want to get better,” Darren said, chuckling softly to himself at his own words and how ironic they sounded coming from him.

“Darren look I’m….”

“Bah, don’t start with me Aisell. I don’t wanna hear it gat’danget,” Darren puffed, for as much as it took out of him to yell, it was the only way to stop her in her tracks.

“…” Aisell looked down, she had been prepared for such, her actions had been terrible and if it meant she had permanently soured her relationship with him that was something she had to accept.

“Do ya always pull yer punches?” Darren asked, after taking a few moments to reflect.

“What do you mean?” Aisell asked, looking to Darren at last.

“Did I stutter? Do you always pull your punches?” Darren repeated, mildly irate.

“No, well….I didn’t really want to hurt you…” Aisell stammered, she felt there was more she ought to say, but at the same time felt rambling off at the mouth could deepen the hole she was in.

“Don’t pull yer punches,” Darren said firmly.

“I could have killed you if I hadn’t?” Aisell asked, nearly baffled.

“That ain’t what I mean ya twit.” Darren shook his head. “Yer so dang wishy washy sometimes Aisell…like yer always doing things with one foot forward and one foot back…like your always looking for a way out. If you wanna win, you gotta have both feet forward. Don’t pull your punches.” Darren looked to Aisell for a moment, then turned to look away.

Aisell wasn’t quite sure what Darren was getting at, or what brought about this sudden confrontation, but she had a good idea he wasn’t exactly speaking solely to her. The way he sounded, he wasn’t exactly chipper, he still carried that heavy weighty tone to his voice, and the way he sat looking away from her suggested he was feeling pensive and reflective.

“Do you always surrender when it looks like you’re going to lose?” Aisell asked, boldly.

“No.” Darren said quietly.

“I see.” Aisell looked down at her feet, both parties were quiet for a while, but it was Darren who spoke first.

“Just…never had the odds this much against me before Aiseill.” Darren’s voice was softer than it normally was, with a great deal more reflection. “Always had something to fall back on, my job, my skills, family…there was always something, always a way out if things got bad.

“Maybe you should stop looking for a way out?” Aisell asked, with a bit of a smile as she brought his own words back onto him.

Darren shook his head, and almost chuckled.

“It’s too much for me, I can’t take it all…not all at once Aisell and I don’t see no where it can go from here that ain’t down.” Darren refused to look at Aisell.

“I can’t even imagine,” Aisell said, taking a few steps towards Darren.

“No, you can’t.” Darren said suddenly, almost bitterly. “None of y’all can. You don’t know what it’s like, to have everything taken from you, your job, your identity, your life, everyone you knew, everything you were, and everything you could have become.” Darren huffed a sarcastic sort of bitter laugh. “You don’t know what it’s like to look back in regret…knowing that it’s all your fault…”

“How is it your fault?” Aisell asked sincerely.

Darren bit the inside of his lip. He still had some speck of dignity left and he wasn’t about to go lose it yet.

“There were three of us what were taken when Eyrn was abducted. Corporal Isabel Ibanez, myself, and PFC Reese Jones.” Darren said, keeping his eyes away from Aisell still.

“Three?” Aisell asked confused. “I thought it was just you and Isabel?”

Darren shook his head, he looked down now. “Private Jones didn’t adjust well, Captain Bass felt terrible about what they’d done and offered to send me and Private Jones back…Corporal Ibanez…we didn’t know she was there see…Reese took Bass up on his offer…but….”

Aisell’s eyes widened suddenly in realization. Her jaw fell agape, she covered it with her hand. “Oh Darren…w….why?”

Darren looked to Aisell at last, he had tears welling up in his eyes, and a look of pain on his face.

“It-was-my-job!” Darren said, in a raspy sort of yell, he slammed his fist against his chest in emphasis. “Eyrn didn’t know where she was, who she was with…she was terrified…my job was to protect her…she may be a hundred and twenty five feet tall but inside she’s still just Eyrn…Eyrn Fitzgerald…she’s one of us…and we don’t leave a man behind Aisell.” Darren sniffled a bit and ran his arm angrily over his eyes.

“But…they didn’t mean her any harm…they could have taken care of her…you didn’t have to give up EVERYTHING?” Aisell said, with remorse in her voice.

“Leave no man behind…” Darren repeated.

Aisell laughed, the same grizzly sarcastic laugh Darren did. “No matter the price.”

Darren saw something in Aisell Maris’ eyes, something familiar, something sad. “You get it, don’t you?”

Aisell nodded. “Even if you hate yourself for it,” was Aisell’s reply. Ain’t ready to lay down and die,” Darren took a deep breath and let it out slow.

Aisell smiled, she found it hard to hold it back, her lips parted as she crouched down close to Darren. “Good, because I wasn’t about to let you! Leave no man behind, right?”

Darren chuckled. “Ya lil’brat…don’t twist my words’round on me!” Darren grumbled. “Its daunting…just how much of a climb I got ahead’a me.” Darren said with a sigh.

Aisell nodded. “One step at a time.”

“Yea, well yer steps are like hills remember,” Darren huffed dejectedly.

“What’s the most important one? Which would you solve first if you could?” Aisell asked simply.

Darren thought for a moment. “I’d make things right with Eyrn.” Darren said solemnly.

Aisell nodded. “Alright, we can do that!” Aisell said encouragingly.

“Think she’ll hear me out?” Darren asked nervously.

“Of course she will! Hells she calls about you daily! The woman’s worried sick about you Darren.”

“She is?”

“She is.” Aisell shrugged. “Guess she doesn’t believe in leaving anyone behind either….”

Darren chuckled.

“Tomorrow…maybe the next day were going to go on a little trip, if you trust me enough I’d like to make this as much of a surprise as I can, so you’ll not know where, okay?”

Darren shrugged. “Fine.” He still sounded off, without much resistance in him.

“Okay, so what next…” Aisell asked.

“Eh?” Darren looked confused.

“We have time…I’m going to have to set this up…what hill would you tackle next…if you had to choose?” Aisell asked, almost commanding.

Darren simply shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Aisell thought for a moment, she tapped her finger against her chin and hummed, then suddenly looked to Darren with renewed vigor.

“What?” Darren asked cautiously.

Aisell extended her palm to Darren and motioned for him to climb aboard, which for the first time in a long time, he accepted.

“Come here, I wanna show you something!” Aisell said with excitement, much quicker than she’d normally move while with passenger, the eager titan rushed back to the Tol-Bot square, setting Darren on her shoulder behind her messy blond hair.

“Slow down, yer gonna make me sick!” Darren complained.

“Shh! Maybe you need time to think about what you help with, in the meantime…would you be willing to help me with something?”

Darren shrugged, but said in a surprised – and almost pleased tone, “Uh..sure…if I can?”

“Great!” Aisell tittered. “Cuz I really think you’re gonna like this!”