Titan Station was a whirlwind of activity, even if you were the size of a Titan. To a human, the scope was nearly overwhelming, even if you’d been raised in the Empire.

 

The station had been nearly abandoned; now it was being refortified. The Daru had paused in the Sol Earth system long enough to drop off the fighter wings that had been assigned to it a bit over two human weeks ago. Opito Starati’s crew was busily working to get the station battle-ready, and a division of Planetary Defense Corps assault troops were en route. And the orbital traffic was overwhelming; the Tarsuss Foundation was coordinating the private-sector donations to Tau Ceti; rather than pushing them directly to Tau Ceti and overwhelming the already difficult situation, they were rendezvousing here. One freighter would carry additional prefabricated buildings and foodstuffs to augment what Earth had already sent with the UNHCR on the Atlantis, and what Beth and Gama fleets had been dropping off.

 

The Sendrofos had cleared the station three hours ago; it had dropped off a number of wounded humans on Earth; they were to be treated in a number of hospitals all over the world, hospitals that were technologically behind the Empire, but that were far more used to serving and assisting humans. A few more had been dropped off at Titan Station, mostly Avalonians with minor injuries which had been successfully treated; they would connect there to a shuttle home.

 

Among them was a pregnant woman who negotiated the human section of the station warily. She was physically fine, and her pregnancy was still proceeding as expected for a person with life-extended parents. She’d been told, however, that she would need long-term crisis treatment to deal with what she had been through. Indeed, the psychotherapist who’d done the initial screen – a gruff, gray-haired Titan counselor who’d seen his share of trauma patients – he’d listened to the woman’s story, and he’d immediately put a note in his personal file to talk to a counselor himself. The story that she’d woven, the details of the murder she’d witnessed…he was traumatized just hearing about it.

 

The woman turned the corner, and headed for the suite number on her pad. She hit the button, and tensed as the door opened.

 

It had ground, just a bit. Metal on metal. Like a blade, drug along the ground.

 

But the door finished opening, and before she even had time to process it, an older woman, with gray hair that must once have matched her daughter’s precisely, threw her arms around her child and held her baby girl tight.

 

Lessy wept as she held onto her mom tightly. Nonah guided her gently into the hotel room, and over to a sofa, where Lessy collapsed, and continued crying until tears couldn’t come out anymore.

 

Her mother held her. She was safe. No matter what monsters lived in the dark, her mother would protect her. And her father, and her family, and her friends.

 

“Hi,” Lessy finally said, after wiping her face. “That’s not the best hello, really.”

 

“You’re safe and alive, widget,” Nonah said, gently pushing her daughter’s hair behind her ears. “I’ve never had a better greeting than that. Never. I thought…well, it sounded as bad as it sounds like it was.”

 

“You have no idea, mom,” Lessy said. “There was…there was a traitor. A hybrid, raised by the Insects. She killed…there were thousands. And she just….”

 

Lessy rubbed her eyes. “She kept me alive so she could lure Sorcha. But how…I mean…I’m not saying…I’m glad I’m alive. But….”

 

“It’s not your fault that you survived, Lessy,” Nonah said.

 

“I know,” she said. “I just…I have to be good enough to be worth that. I’m the one who lived…I have to do enough that the three thousand who died….”

 

“Okay, first,” Nonah said, “no, you don’t. And second, you will. You have. Those three thousand people were there, on the colony you and Sorcha and Joseph and the others founded.”

 

“They’d be alive if they hadn’t been.”

 

“Maybe. But what would they be? Where would they be? They died free on that colony, Lessy. They died as people. And millions survived, as free people. You have already paid whatever debt you might owe the universe. And you will go on paying more, because I know you. You’ll get through this, and you’ll do wonderful things. You will need help, though. Come on.”

 

“Where?”

 

“This is a big suite for just me and you. Over here,” she said, hitting a buzzer. The door to a room opened, and Lessy tensed again.

 

“Hey, Alesia,” Nick said. “I talked to Joseph.”

 

“I owe your son my life,” Lessy said, quietly.

 

“Nope. I raised him to take care of his friends; you’d do the same for him. You owe Joseph to be okay when he and Sorcha get married – which will probably come after they get engaged, and you didn’t hear from me that he’s planning to ask her, so don’t tell her, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Lessy said, with a half-smile. “He’s…he’s exactly what Sorcha needs. You should be proud of him.”

 

“Oh, I am,” Nick said. “I am so proud I could burst. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said. “It’s about what you went through,” he said, gesturing to a chair.

 

“I know, I need counseling…but you’re not a counselor. Or are you?”

 

Nick chuckled. “No, no, and if I was, Thio Smit would yell at me for trying to treat the friend of my son’s all-but-fiancée. I know you too well. But I’m not a counselor. I’m a fellow patient.”

 

Alesia frowned. “Yeah…I suppose…you’ve been through stuff like this too.”

 

“Not as bad as you have, though it doesn’t matter. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. We’ll get you the therapy you need, sure, but if you need to talk…well, there are a lot of us,” he said, typing on his pad.

 

Lessy’s lit up, and she frowned as she saw the names on the list. Frowned a bit more when she came to one name in particular.

 

“Mom?”

 

“I’ve told you about Naskia and Niall saving me from Dorok,” Nonah said. “I’ve never told you how bad things got. And I would rather not…you’re probably better calling one of the others. You’re the first child to make this list, you know.”

 

“But only the first,” Nick said. “Joseph and Sorcha are probably going to be our first two not-completely-human members, depending on what their profiles show.”

 

Lessy nodded. “So I’m not alone.”

 

“Nope,” Nick said.

 

Alesia Nonahsdottir took a deep breath. “All right,” she said. “It’ll be all right, then.”

 

“It will be a process,” Nick replied.

 

“I know,” she said, but she smiled. “But still…it will be all right.”

 

Nick returned her smile. “Believing that is the first step in making that true,” he said. “Now, you should have dinner with your mom, and then you should get some rest.”

 

“Dinner, yes,” Lessy said. “But after that…I need to call Moze, and see how things are going. He’s sort of become de facto leader on the colony right now, and he’ll need my help until I can get back there.”

 

“Back there?” Nonah asked.

 

“Yeah,” Lessy said. She looked off a bit, and nodded. “I got a message from Sorcha…they’re planning to keep the Colony going. There are a lot of people who saw it as their home, and don’t want the Insects to drive them away. And I’m one of them. I didn’t realize it…but it’s home. And I need to go back…when I’m able.”

 

Nonah knew, selfishly, that she should probably try to convince her daughter to bring Moze back to the safety of Archavia, or at least Avalon. But Nonah knew her daughter well. And she knew that nothing was more of a sign of healing than Lessy wanting to work for something bigger than herself. So she pulled her daughter close, and kissed her forehead, and said, simply, “Then we’ll get you healthy, widget, and we’ll get you home.”

 

Lessy hugged her mom tight. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to visit.”

 

“I know, and we will,” Nonah said. “Now, let’s get you dinner, and talk about the baby, and Moze, and gossip about how you think Joseph will ask Sorcha to marry him.”

 

“That sounds wonderful, mom,” Lessy said. “Absolutely wonderful.”

 
****

 
Joseph stood at the back of the central garden on Tayas Mons. There was nice spot that jutted out just over the edge of the cliff that provided a clear view out over Atlantis in the distance. It was similar to the view he had from the compound on Tau Ceti over the maiden city there. He’d watched Atlantis grow as a child. Old stone buildings turned to new brick buildings which turned to enormous gleaming skyscrapers that bathed in the emerald green light of Herakleos. He’d watched the colony on Tau Ceti grow as well. Not quite as spectacularly but he’d been personally involved its growth. He was a part of it.

 

He couldn’t help but draw parallels between the two in his mind. The view from outside, the uncertain inhabitants trying to forge a new civilisation and the vulnerability of both worlds to outside attack. Even with Titan protection.

 

No matter how hard he tried just to focus his thoughts on the view in front of him, it drifted off into what ifs. What if it was Avalon that had been attacked? The Avalonian Guard had prepared for such a scenario but even then it would have been catastrophic. He couldn’t have fought in the streets as he’d done on Tau Ceti. He’d have been ordered to take shelter in Tayas Mons. But would he? Would he have made his way to the city with a makeshift club to defend his fellow Avalonians? Would he have been…

 

“Hey…” A voice said behind him, mercifully breaking his train of thought.

 

“Oh, hi Rixie.” He replied and turned momentarily to acknowledge her before turning back to his view.

 

“It’s a nice spot.” Rixie said leaning against the guard rail beside Joseph. “A good place to take a break. Get away from the crowd.”

 

Joseph gave her a small smile but said nothing.

 

“You alright?” She asked. “Your family were wondering where you’d gone.”

 

He sighed. The welcome home reception had been great. He’d hugged his brothers and sisters and his mother had hugged him and cried. Everyone had told him what a hero he was and how proud they were of him. And he’d enjoyed it for an hour or so. And then he started to feel just a bit empty and then that emptiness had turned into a vacuum that was being crushed by the weight of attention from his loved ones and his friends.

 

So he’d quietly slipped out.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine…” He said and continued to look out.

 

“I’m sure you know, I was raised to be a soldier. Trained in combat and tactics. Drilled over and over again to work on my own or in a unit. Trained to be a solid soldier. Trained to kill.” She said. “My first assignment I was in a fire team supporting two senior imperators making a bust on a smuggling gang. We were told it would be a routine operation. The imperators would serve the notice to a front office on a small starport. A few fire teams would surround the port and secure the area.”

 

“And then the firing started. The order came in there was ship on the rooftop landing pad attempting to escape and it was to be secured at all costs. So my team pushed ahead, working our way through a few mercs trying to hold the roof. The walkway on the way up to the roof was like a shooting gallery. Guys in front at the top and more behind us firing straight down. We couldn’t get up.”

 

“I broke off from my team and found a drainage pipe running down the side of the building and hauled myself up it. I came up right in front of the cockpit of the ship. The pilot, a woman not much older than me, she spotted me. She turned a small autocannon on me. All the training and the drilling kicked in. I jumped out of the way and took cover behind some crates. I charged my rifle, getting as much power into the capacitors as I could as I heard the ship’s gravitics start to power up. I stepped out of cover and took one overcharged shot that blew out the ship’s window and hit the pilot in the chest.”

 

“Stopped the ship from escaping with a massive haul of firearms on board. Afterwards everyone told me what a big damned hero I was.” Rixie explained. “I got commendation for quick thinking and courage from the two senior imperators. My unit got rewarded with a weekend’s leave and they all wanted me to come along and toast my bravery. But I didn’t. I spent the weekend in my bunk trying to get that woman’s face out of my head. The look of terror and agony frozen on her face from the moment she died.” Rixie said quietly. “I did that.”

 

She stopped and looked out over the city as Joseph was.

 

After a minute she spoke up. “They can spend years teaching you how to kill. But no one can prepare you for what’s like to kill. For the things you see in combat. It took me months to recover. It near ended my career before it even began.” She sighed. “I’ve read the after action reports from the centurium who took over command of the ground operations. I’ve seen some of the pictures. I can try to imagine what it must have been like to be there. But I can’t know. What I do know is that it unsettled trained soldiers. I don’t know if as a fresh trooper with training I could have coped. So Joseph, how are you?”

 

“I…I…I don’t know Rixie.” He said, his voice emotionless. “I don’t feel anything. I watched people eaten whole and torn apart. People crushed under collapsing buildings. People I knew, people I worked with. And I just…feel nothing.”

 

“Feeling nothing can be the mind’s way of defending itself. The choice between feeling nothing, or feeling everything…” She said.

 

“I keep seeing one thing. Similar to your face actually…” He said.

 

“Want to talk about it?” said Rixie. “It can help. To vocalise these things.”

 

He sighed and looked straight down the sheer drop of Tayas Mons and then turned to face Rixie who was trying to hide the look of concern on her face.

 

“It was early in the fight. The first ships had just touched down. There were roving squads of around a dozen bugs moving around the city. We used bait and switch tactics at first. Sorcha jumped out in front of the squad and they ran for her. I was hiding and when the last ran past I stepped out behind them and took out the two at the back.”

 

“Clever.” Rixie said, quite impressed.

 

“So they turned to fight me and Sorcha attacked from front and I attacked from the front.” He recounted, his eyes moving as if watching the events unfold in front of him. “I swung my club and I kicked out at any that came for me. It took seconds, Rixie, seconds to cut through all but one of them. It was stuck between me and Sorcha. People say Insectoids don’t feel fear but I know this one did. You could see it looking back and forth between me and Sorcha. Hoping for a way out. I could see the terror in its eyes as I held it by the thorax and caved its head in.”

 

“A connection like that stays with you. No matter what you do. No matter how many you kill. You still remember the faces.” Rixie explained. “It’ll take time, but you’ll learn to live with it.”

 

“Yeah well I don’t want to live with it. I never wanted to kill. I never wanted to be a soldier.” He said.

 

“Would you consider it? Joining up?” Rixie asked.

 

Joseph looked at her puzzled. “I really don’t think I have the mind to be a soldier, Rix.”

 

“I think you do. I know Sorcha was officially in charge but from what she’s said it was really you who led the defence. You made the weapons, you were the first to fight and you went in again and again. You helped your people, supported them and helped them to fight.” Rixie said.

 

“They all died!” Joseph yelled.

 

She placed her hands firmly on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. She wasn’t overly close with Joseph but she knew him well enough to see the man looking back at her wasn’t the same one who left Avalon a few months ago.

 

“They did. And you nearly died with them. But they died on their feet. Fighting against an enemy that couldn’t be beaten. They did better than the Planetary Defense Corps believed was possible, even with Avalonian support. And that’s down to you.” She explained.

 

“Still didn’t do well enough.” He sighed.

 

“You saved nearly two million people. Never mind Gama fleet or what Niall and Aerti did in orbit. If not for you stepping up as you did there wouldn’t have been anyone left to defend. The Insectoids would have already been on their way to Earth.” She stressed. “And now with the war on. This isn’t a war for territory or resources. It’s a war for survival. It won’t end until one side doesn’t exist anymore. The Empire could use more people like you. People with courage who inspire courage in others.”

 

He sighed and shook his head. “I’m really not a soldier Rixie. I’ve had my fill of fighting. It’s not what I want to do.”

 

“What do you want to do?” Rixie asked without pause.

 

“Get a shuttle and go to Sorcha. Be with her and try to make her not hurt anymore. If that’s possible.” He said. “Then go back to Tau Ceti and start building again.”

 

“Go back!? Are they not evacuating?” Rixie couldn’t believe he would want to go back after all that had happened.

 

He gave a small smile. “The people there, the people who are left. It’s their home. It’s the first free life they’ve ever known. Sure it was badly funded and barely holding together but it was just starting to become something real. The first colonists had found their feet and were starting to do things for themselves. With a bit more time and effort it would have worked. It still could work. If people believe in it. And I do.”

 

“Go then. Get a shuttle and go to Sorcha. And then back to Tau Ceti.” She said.

 

“Are…are you sure? My mom might kill me if I do.” He looked concerned.

 

Rixie nodded. “She knows your safe. Tell her you love her but it’s something you have to do. There’s a lot of your father in you. He wasn’t a soldier either but he helped a lot of people too. She’ll understand that.”

 

“Ok, I’ll stay the night and leave in the morning.” Joseph said sounding a bit more certain of himself. “Thanks Rixie.”

 

“Happy to help.” She said and pulled him into a loose hug.

 

“I probably should head back in, shouldn’t I?” He said.

 

“Stay a while longer.” She turned and started to walk back into the garden. “I’ll cover for you.”

 

“Thanks Rixie,” He said. “I appreciate the talk. It’s helped.”

 

“If you ever need to just call me. Day or night.” She said and left.

 

Joseph looked out over the city once more and once more found himself unable to concentrate on the view. He could feel emotions starting to bubble up inside of him. Anger, fear, loneliness, love, hope, excitement; he couldn’t describe it. He could barely stop himself from shaking.

 

He breathed deeply hoping to quell his trembling soul.

 

He didn’t know how he could cope. All he knew was, it was better than feeling nothing.

 

 

****

 

Sorcha felt a cold chill run down her spine as she set the shuttle down outside her parents’ house. She looked out the shuttle’s window to the dark wooden clad house with the lone tree in the front garden. It felt so familiar yet so distant. This was the place she had grown up. It had always been a sanctuary; a place to run away to when the world became just a bit too much for her. And now she wanted nothing more than to run away from it.

 

She had originally gone to her grandparents’ house in Sobdu. The whole family had gathered there to comfort and support one another. She had thought her mother would be there but to her surprise Sorcha had been told that her mother had returned home by herself. Hussel and Lilitu had wanted her to stay but Naskia had insisted she wanted to return home and she wanted to be alone.

 

And this was a rare occasion where Lilitu chose not to argue with her daughter.

 

Sorcha exited the shuttle and approached the house.

 

“Mum!?” She called as she opened the door to the house and looked around the hallway for signs of her mother. There were no shoes by the door and no coats on the hooks that usually signalled that her parents were home.

 

“Mum?” she call again as she looked around the living room. She stood, and looked around some more. There were a lot of memories in this room. It was the room where her family had spent the most time growing up. But there were no signs of life. Everything was powered down, the curtains were drawn and dust was starting to settle on the old wooden shelves.

 

And then she heard something. Something quiet, echoing down the hallway.

 

“Mum? Are you there?” Sorcha asked as she walked down the hallway.

 

The sound grew clearer. It was music. Familiar music coming from behind the door of her parents’ bedroom. It was a song her mother liked to sing to her father when she was in a particularly cheery mood.

 

“Come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of love.”

 

A gentle female voice sang over the top of gentle chord strokes.

 

“Mum?” Sorcha asked knocking at the door.

 

“Do you remember, when we met? That’s the day I knew you were my pet.” The voice continued.

 

There was no response other than the music. Sorcha did something no child past twelve years old ever did and opened her parents’ bedroom door without asking. She entered, expecting to find her mother but instead found nothing, except for the pad playing the music.

 

“I want to tell you, how much I love you.” The voice sang.

 

And then she heard it. It was quiet but it was there, beneath the music. The soft sound of sobbing. She looked down to her parent’s bedside table where the pad was. Beside it was a portable holographic emitter which was power on and placed beside the bed that her father usually slept.

 

“Come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of love.”

 

Lying in the bed, under the covers, gently sobbing was her mother. Sorcha felt tears immediately start to stream down her face. She gently slid her hand under the covers and slipped the tiny, holographic form of her mother into her palm and cupped her to her chest.

 

“I want to tell you, how much I love you…” Naskia sang between sobs.

 

As the song ended and then started again all Sorcha could do was hold her mother and cry.

—————————————————————————-

You can listen to the song here.

Credit to Cat Power for the music. Song was written by John Phillip Baptiste and originally performed by Phil Phillips.

 

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Author’s note: Thanks to DX  for his contribution. That’s me out of work to post. Though there will only be one more chapter after this. I’ll hopefully have it done for Thursday but that’s up to the Wee Man, not me.

And there’ll likely be a few epilogues. Enjoy.