(Credit goes to OHH for the last bit of this chapter, while struggling to find a striking moment he came up with this, with no intentions of having me put it in the chapter. I was so drawn to that last bit he wrote I just had to throw it in, thanks OHH!)
Aisell finished setting up the board to the exact specifications as per the rules, and took one last look at the screen to make sure she had everything perfect before looking up from her data pad to Darren, who was sitting at the opposite end of the battle field. Darren looked distant and unimpressed as ever, but hadn’t put up so much as a protest when Aisell requested his attention for a while. He wasn’t exactly sure what she was up to, at the same time he was not exactly in a hurry to find out.
“Ok, this should look familiar, right?” Aisell set her chin on the table to get a ‘humans’ eye view of the chess board. She had replicated the pieces on her last visit to Rutger; the board she had made herself and had scaled the whole thing down a few times so the pieces were big enough for her to handle, but small enough to not look like imposing towers to a human opponent. Aisell had even fabricated them a fraction of their original weight, so Darren wouldn’t require help moving the larger pieces like the queen, king and bishops, every piece was light enough for Darren to push around the board easily.
“Chess?” Darren asked with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.
“Have you played before?” Aisell asked as she sat up and leaned back in her chair.
“Yea.” Darren said with a bleeding tone.
“Oh, then I don’t have to explain the rules. Now, would you like to be black, or white?” Aisell grinned, she had thrown down the gauntlet and hoped he would accept. Darren was a soldier, he was also a very competitive man, it was Aisell’s hope that a competitive strategy game would unearth some of the intensity and fervor that made Darren, Darren
It was also something that might remind him of home, something familiar might be just what he needed to feel a little bit better. Aisell had realized that ‘fixing’ Darren outright, like she tried to do with Luke, was never going to work. However, if she could help, a little bit at a time, eventually he could get to a point where he could take over and complete the rest of the journey on his own. At the very least, it was worth a shot.
Darren stood up with great effort and walked slowly onto the board. The tallest piece, the queen, was just a little taller than him, the pawns were waist height, and the rest were anywhere in-between. The pieces themselves looked wooden, perfectly sculpted identical replicas of the finest chess pieces he had ever seen back home. Chess was something Darren had always enjoyed. It was a game often played on base, Darren was also quite good. Darren walked among the oversized chess pieces with a feeling of inadequacy. He was used to everything being bigger here, but it was almost alright because none of it was ever all that familiar. Forks didn’t look like forks, their tables, chairs, shoes, the things they combed their hair with, their ornaments and tools always seemed just a little alien, enough at least that it didn’t always remind him of home.
Standing on a chess board, one that looked like any old board he might have played on back home, only finding himself the size of the pieces themselves, it struck a nerve. He suddenly didn’t feel like a normal sized man in a giant world, rather an insignificant speck in a normal sized world. A daunting reality he had come to grasp slowly over time, but had always simply shoved to the back of his mind, even now when there was very little resistance left in him.
This entire world was built for them, the flora and fauna, the rocks, the buildings, vehicles, the food, furniture, everything. But beyond that, an even more terrifying matter Darren had to deal with came to the front of his mind at the sight of the gigantic chess pieces, it was not just Archavia that was built to scale of the Titan Empire, it was the whole goddamn universe.
“Naw, no thanks.” Darren said faintly, as he stepped off the board
“Oh, come on, the pieces are easy to move…I made them a third of the actual weight, you’ll be able to move them yourself!” Aisell asked expectantly as she nudged a piece forward ever so gently to prove her point.
“No thanks.” Darren responded restlessly and continued his slow walk away from the chess board, his back turned on Aisell and the board.
“Darren, just give it a try.” Aisell intently pressed on, her voice was hopping a little as she saw Darren continue to walk away, this time without answering her, much to her chagrin.
Darren made his way to the edge of the table; it was a relatively easy leap form the table to the soft padded chair, and from there a simple slide down the pole of the chair leg to the floor. Locomotion and transportation at this size was at least made easier by the lower gravity, but sometimes Darren felt as if it was ten times that of Earth’s, as every step took more out of him than he had to give. After a while pondering the option of leaping onto the chair pad, Darren opted to sit on the edge of the table and simply look onward, at least he didn’t have to see the damned chess board mocking him and his insignificance.
“Darren? Please?” Aisell asked, dejected and embittered.
It was so easy to be quiet, it didn’t take any effort, it didn’t require an explanation, he could just be and that was good enough for him. It was the easy way out, not that there was anything particularly easy about anything now a days, but it was easier. Expressing himself took effort, which was something he simply did not want to give.
“Darren!” Aisell’s voice rose a bit she was fighting to keep it respectable.
Darren flinched a bit at the raised voice, titans seldom understood how loud they were, and even when they thought they were talking in a calm civil voice. Eyrn herself seemed to ‘get it’ but was even still guilty of the same transgression from time to time.
Aisell eyed the chess board for a moment and for a fleeting second wrestled with the idea of sweeping it off the table and storming out of the room, but that would make this about her, and it was in fact about Darren, not Aisell Maris.
“Why not?” Aisell asked, much calmer and once again in control of her emotions.
Darren shrugged.
“No, that’s not a reason. I saw the way you looked at the board, I saw the way you walked among the pieces. That’s more of a reaction than I’ve got out of you in days. What’s up, what’s going through your mind?” Aisell stood and walked about to the other side of the table, she crouched down so she was eye level to Darren and set her hands on her lap. “What’s up?” Asiell asked in a tone that was a close to tenderly as Aisell would ever get.
Darren was caught in Aisell’s icy blue eyes for a moment, her soft creamy skin, her rebellious tassels of blond hair, and her thin angular lips that almost seemed to curl at the sides. For a world so strange and alien, its inhabitants were tortuously human in appearance. That was one of the more maddening truths of titan kind; they were so human it was striking.
How could something so human, be so far off the mark?
“Just don’t.” Darren insisted, though Aisell’s persistence was more troubling than helpful. Darren didn’t want these thoughts and feelings to surface and he sure as hell didn’t want to express and discuss them.
Aisell felt a tug in her gut; she was not exactly a patient person, so dealing with something that did not yield immediate results was almost as trying as dealing with an un-winnable situation. Aisell remained where she was for a moment, her eyes locked onto Darren, there she sat for almost five minutes locked in a stalemate with the silent human-being, until eventually she stood and let out a defeated sigh.
“Alright.” Softly Aisell spoke as she rounded the table and made for the kitchen door.
“Aisell?” Darren said, almost too quiet for her to hear.
“Hmmm?” Aisell turned expectantly, her voice lifted a bit.
“Take it with you,” Darren said dryly, “take the gat’dang thing with you.” Darren looked to the chess set, then looked back away from them both.
“Alright.” Aisell said quietly, and did as he asked.
***
As the days progressed, Aisell failed to relent on her quest to pull Darren out of his internal stasis. Chess had only been her first folly; however she had managed to learn a great deal from that particular mistake. Darren felt small, so by showing him just how small he was in relation to things he was so familiar and fond of, she was only making the situation worse.
“See, you are a keen one pup, you learn fast.” Jested Lezah as she sat back on the couch, palming a mug of steaming warm tea. Every once in a while even Lezah liked to get in some good deep couch sitting, as all work and no play was too much even for Lezah.
“It’s not funny Lez.” Aisell snarled, she was busily thumbing through her data pad for a particular file.
“Whacha up to anyhow? Taking a break from your crusade to play some Dogmar?” Lezah tried to peek over at Aisell, however Aisell grumpily shifted away from her sister and pulled the data pad closer greedily. “Go’way if you’re gonna make fun.” Aisell complained.
“Oh calm down Pup, I was only teasing. No, I really think what you are trying to do is admirable. I worry about you, but it’s admirable.” Lezah’s tone returned to the motherly and nurturing tone she normally carried around Aisell. The middle Maris sister was perhaps the more stubborn and independent of the three, which was exactly why Lezah felt the more justified in her maternal inclinations towards her.
“Sure.” Aisell said offhanded; she had calmed down a bit as visible by her relaxed posture.
“Now what’s up?” Lezah edged closer once more.
“I’m looking through these movies I got from Dr. Freeman’s girlfriend. I’m trying to see if there are any Darren would like, but the titles are confusing.” Aisell looked down at her screen in frustration then looked over to Lezah thoughtfully.
“I thought there were only a handful of movies and songs and pictures? How many could the man have given you?” Lezah asked nosily.
“Initially only 25 movies, over a thousand songs and she didn’t send the pictures because that’d be weird.” Aisell gave Lezah an odd look of question. “But, I have been corresponding with Loona and Naskia and they sent me a bunch more…and I mean a lot. Apparently there was some sort of data scan taken from Earth by somebody Dr. Freeman has contact with, Naskia wouldn’t tell me who or what, but they were given a whole dump of Earth games, music, pictures, movies and stuff…so Naskia sent me some more stuff.” Aisell shrugged and turned her pad to show Lezah.
“That’s over 100 quads of data…” Lezah nodded, impressed.
“And I get to sift through it.” Aisell sighed. “Least they could have sorted it for me.”
“Beggars can’t be choosers Pup.” Lezah laughed.
“Would he like some of those movies you watched with Luke?” Lezah asked earnestly and took a sip form her mug.
“Beh, those were terrible…I wouldn’t subject him to those!” Aisell remarked quickly.
“Well, maybe he doesn’t think so?” Lezah inquired, sitting back.
“Yea, but I don’t want to watch them again, besides there are plenty to choose from….like this one here…’Beverly Hills Cop’, or ‘Dead Man Walking’?” Aisell pursed her lips to the side in thought.
“What is a Beverly Hill? Is that a name?” Lezah asked tilting her head to the side.
“I’m looking for movies with soldiers; law enforcement officers and such…I think maybe it’s a type of Imperator…or their version of one?” Aisell suggested.
“Imperator Beverly?” Lezah asked and took a drink.
“Maybe.” Aisell continued to thumb through the movie list. “Fight Club? How’s that sound?” Aisell asked.
“I dunknow, will he want to see a movie about fighting? That might make him feel even worse eh?” Lezah hummed as she sat back against the couch. “Why not just ask him?”
“I tried that, he just shrugged me off and went back to sulking.” Aisell asserted wearily.
“Ah,” Lezah nodded dejected.
“Naked Gun?” Aisell asked with a look of skepticism.
“Sounds raunchy.” Lezah tittered. “Did you try asking this Dr. Freeman person? He’s from Earth, maybe he’d know what sort of movie Darren would like?” Lezah asked, hopefully.
“Eh, he’s a brainiac I don’t think they’d like the same kind of movie, besides he’s a physicist not a movie critic.” Aisell squawked impatiently.
“Don’t know what else to tell you Pup, pick one at random?” Lezah shrugged haplessly.
“Up?” Aisell asked next.
“Down?” Lezah responded, perplexed.
“No, that’s the name of the movie…Up.” Aisell moaned.
“Odd title…what do you think it’s about?” Lezah narrowed her eyes. “On second thought, let’s just watch it and find out hmmm?” Lezah moved in a little closer to Aisell and nudged her encouragingly and tapped on the file on Aisell’s pad.
The pair sat watching the brightly colored intro of the film, their faces moving through a variety of emotions that started at laughter and gradually moved on over the space of five minutes until tears were rolling down Aisell’s cheeks and Lezah was bawling her eyes out. Aisell looked absolutely mystified at the pad in her hand, her jaw agape.
When a few moments had passed, Aisell turned off the pad and hugged her sister tightly. “You’re an idiot Lez…that’d be the worst thing to show him!”
Aisell tossed the pad down on the couch and threw her head back against the soft pillow behind her. “Bah! It’s hopeless. The last three we watched hardly got a reaction out of him and he walked out of the last one.” Aisell closed her eyes and ran her hand over her face. “This is infuriating, how can I be so bad at this Lez?” Aisell’s voice picked up a bit of a whiny tone as Aisell found herself gravitating slowly towards her older sister once again, this time it was Lezah who hugged Aisell.
“You’re not bad at anything; you’re just trying too hard Pup.” Lezah spoke in a hushed tone as she stroked Aisell’s hair. Aisell would never admit it, but she was thankful that Lezah was Lezah.
“That’s what I do, I play to win.” Aisell remarked halfheartedly.
“Sometimes you can’t win Aisell, sometimes the battle is not yours to win in the first place.” Lezah held Aisell all the tighter, it was rare she was given such an opportunity, she was not about to let it pass her by. “Pup, you’re acting like this is your fault.”
“Well, if I hadn’t of….” Aisell began, but was cut off abruptly.
“No, not this, not Luke, not Darren…this…all of this, the way things are.” Lezah insisted, pulling away from Aisell so she could look her sister in the eyes.
“Well….”
“No, no buts, no wells, nothing, Aisell you and I didn’t write the book on society, we didn’t make things the way they are now. You are not to blame, not solely.
“Well, we contributed.” Aisell said quickly, as not to be cut off again.
Lezah went to refute Aisell’s remark, but found herself speechless for a second or two. “I can’t argue with that, still, Aisell you didn’t do this to them.”
Aisell was quiet too now, and only spoke up after a nudge form Lezah. “Yea, I know. Aehzay was right, you are right. I didn’t do this, none of it is my fault, but I still have to act. I don’t know, maybe because if I don’t nobody will, or maybe it’s because there are so few people who are willing to do anything.” Aisell leaned into her sister, allowing Lezah to wrap an arm around Aisell’s shoulder.
“Not true, there are a lot of people trying to help Darren….”
“Not him, everyone. Humanity in total…I mean, look at the options? You can side with the HOS, who thinks humans are best seen and not heard, you can side with TETH, who are relentless in their hypocrisy, they would do anything to justify their ends, or you can lay down and do nothing?” Aisell looked up to Lezah, that sort of look a kid sister gives when for a brief moment she hopes her older sister knows it all, and can make anything better in the blink of an eye.
Lezah was quiet, of all the things she had on her mind in recent weeks, truthfully the plight of humanity was perhaps quite low on the list, but Aisell’s fervent dedication to the cause was inspirational to say the least. “I admire you sometimes Pup.” Lezah said sprightly.
“Why’s that?” Aisell huffed in disbelief.
“You have a good heart.” Lezah gave Aisell’s shoulder a squeeze. “With you on their team, maybe they have another option? With people like you, maybe it doesn’t have to be lay down and die, or shut up and fall in line?” Lezah shrugged.
“Great, now there only needs to be about a thousand more of me with the wealth and resources of the Tarsus corporation and were in business!” Aisell scoffed.
“Oh Emperors teat Pup don’t bring them up, last thing humanity needs is some haughty airhead aristocrat with a silver spoon lording over them like some sort of prized collection of puppets.” Lezah shook her head and chuckled.
“I said the creds, not the airhead.” Aisell chuckled; sometimes talking to Lezah really did make everything better, at least for a while.
***
“This went on fer a while back and forth like. Aisell would try something new, it wouldn’t work and she’d start all over.” Darren said as he followed Pryvani with his eyes. The heiress was busying herself with the shuttle’s fully equipped bar mixing herself another drink. “For such an elegant and proper like lady, you sure drink like a sailor.” Darren chuckled and shook his head.
“Elegant and proper, now there’s a first.” Pryvani winked and then closed the gap between them with long confident strides. She was carrying another strange looking drink, this one multi colored with what looked like steam coming off it.
“Those things keep get’n stranger.” Darren eyed the concoction with reserve.
“Variety is the spice of life darling.” Pryvani sat down carefully, motioning the drink towards Darren in a friendly offer.
Darren shook his head and bowed his head gentlemen like. “Lady if I drink any more my liver’ll be floating in my throat!” Darren chuckled.
Pryvani shrugged and took a small drink, by the look of her reaction; the substance was quite cold rather than steaming hot. “But, eventually you gave in, or…snapped out of it…or…well you know what I mean.”
Darren grinned ear to ear, he stiffed a laugh and looked down at the table. “Aisell’s a clever one, she tired a lot of strange shit, but the last thing she thought of takes the cake.” Darren looked up to Pryvani, who had crossed her legs and leaned forward intently, after taking a drink she smiled smartish. “Do tell.”
“Well, after a week of failure, Aisell finally reached desperation, well…either desperation…or genius…however you wanna look at it. Regardless…Aisell went’bout as far as I think the woman ever wanted to go…and then some.”
***
Aisell sighed and shook her concerned looking head. She gazed down at Darren but he didn’t seem to notice. He just sat, slouched on her table, looking off into the middle distance. That was all he seemed to do these days. No matter where he was or what was going on around him that was all he would do. Just sit and stare off into space.
It reminded her of how Luke was when he first arrived on the farm. Only Luke had a clear wall of plastic around him. He had nothing else to do but stare into nothing. Aisell had nearly suffocated him with her overbearing concern for him. She didn’t make that mistake this time. Darren had no cage, not even for protection. He was free to come and go as he pleased but like Luke, he did nothing, he just sat there. It drove Aisell mad. She didn’t show it but it did.
When the rest of the house was sleeping she sat in her bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to get herself into the same mind-set as a broken man. She tried to feel her way through the traumas of being poisoned, being eaten, killing a person and coughed up into a pool of blood, near dying and then spending months under the “care” of someone like Lyroo Prenn. He was military. She knew Earth Military training covered some of the same basic tenets as Titan military training. He was trained how to take a life, and how to deal with that act. He’d killed before on Earth. He’d told her that he’d thought about it and he’d gotten over that part a long time ago. She didn’t think that was what was eating away at him.
It was something Lyroo had done. She’d tried to “tame” him, to make him “safe”. Brainwashing is what it was. The very idea of robbing someone of their identity filled Aisell with a fury she could barely contain. But for Darren’s sake she had swallowed it and stored it in her gut. She could use it to fuel her when she needed something to help push through the obstacles that were to come.
And she was going to need some of that fuel right now. She had come to one conclusion. Lyroo had stripped Darren of who he was. She didn’t know what she’d done or how she’d done it, but it was clear that Master Sergeant Darren Avery wasn’t there anymore, just a hollow shell of a man. He’d forgotten who he was. Aisell was going to have to remind him of who he was. Help him to get his identity back. It wasn’t going to be easy for either of them, this she knew but she was out of ideas.
There was the distinct, high pitched jingling of metal landing on wood. Aisell dropped a small shard of metal she has fashioned into a blade with a sliver of rubber attached at one end for a handle.
“Pick it up…” Aisell said dryly to the unmoved Human below.
He looked to the knife and then to her and then back into the distance.
“Please Darren…do this for me?” She asked lowering her eyes level with table.
Darren glanced around again. Aisell wasn’t sure if she’d have to ask for a third time, she was about to open her mouth when Darren slowly pulled himself up, shuffled over to the knife and picked it up. He turned, his arms hanging limp at his side and his shoulders slouched. She had hoped the feel of a blade might stir some of his training to life but there was no sign of it. A combat stance was obviously asking too much. It was ok, this was just the beginning.
“What’s this about?” He asked surprising her.
Aisell suppressed a smile. Words were now rare from Darren. He’d speak if specifically spoken to. Usually nothing more than a simple response but an open ended question left a lot more for her to work with.
“That night in the club…” She started gently. “We had a conversation I greatly enjoyed. It was rather enlightening. You made me realize just how much I’d underestimated Humans.”
“Whoopee, glad I could entertain.” Darren replied glibly.
Aisell suppressed the glare she so very much wanted to give and maintained her open, plain expression. “There was a poem you recited, you said your Daddy said it at your grand pappy’s funeral. Do you remember it?”
Darren didn’t reply but Aisell did notice his head twitch and his eyes move. There were clearly some cogs working overtime in his head.
Aisell sat up and sucked in thousands of liters of air, her chest noticeably rising as her lungs filled as far as they would fill.
“Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rage at the close of day. Rage, rage against the dying light!” She spoke passionately, her eyes widening and her lips pursing as she honed each word to perfection to drive home her point.
She slowly lowered herself back down to eye level with the table top, not moving her eyes from the broken man in front of her. She continued to stare, at least for a minute, her brow stern and her eyes unwavering as she waited for Darren to reply.
“What do you want from me?” He eventually spoke up. Aisell had hoped for more.
“I want you to repeat that poem back to me. I want you to repeat it like you believe it and I want you to believe it.”
Darren shook his head, staring at the wooden table top. “Can’t…”
Aisell rose up once more, again sucking in vast amounts of air from around her face. Darren expected her to start talking again but the words never came.
He couldn’t actually believe what did come. It took him a second to process it, after hitting the hard, worn table top he groaned and clutched at his side. She’d hit him. A tap to his side with her index finger. Not anywhere near as hard as she could have, she could have flicked him across the table had she chosen to. Before he could even shake the cobwebs loose there was a pinch at his collar as he was trailed to his feet.
“Get up!” She ordered, her eyes glaring down at him. The fire now burning in the ice like eyes was rather unnerving.
Darren braced his legs and stood as she dropped him on his feet. He never worried Lyroo would hurt him. He’d never worried any Titan would really hurt him up until that night. Aisell was the last person he ever expected to hurt him.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“You told me you grab life by the horns. You told me your Daddy did too and your Grand Pappy had two heart attacks and kept on going!” Aisell’s voice started calm but it escalated as she talked. She was clearly getting upset. “What would they think of you? Giving up like this!”
She prodded him in the chest causing him to stumble back.
“Come on Master Sergeant! Tell me! What would your Daddy and your Grand Pappy think of you? Huh!?”
Darren had the wind knocked out of him as the index finger came in harder this time. He wheezed and fought for breath. Another blow came in to his upper arm and knocked him sideways and he stumbled and fell. As quickly as before he found himself back on his feet.
“Fight back!” She yelled slamming her open palm down on the table beside him. The force nearly knocked him over. He didn’t know what it was but something kept him standing upright. He could feel the knife, heavy in his hand and he was gripping it tightly. He should have dropped it by now but he hadn’t. Whatever it was that was keeping him standing didn’t seem to have spread to his arm.
THWACK!
A blow to the side of the head left his ears ringing. Again he was dragged upright. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen over. He still gripped the knife tightly in his fist.
“Fight back you coward!” She screamed at him again as she carefully flicked him in the gut. “What would your Grand Pappy think of you!?”
Aisell struggled back the tears. She couldn’t show him just how much this was upsetting her. This was about him. He had to believe this didn’t bother her. He had to feel fear. He had to believe this was real. He had to have the will to strike back. She felt disgusted in herself. She was pleading for him to react, to plunge the raggedy blade deep into her finger and for him to rip her open.
She could feel herself starting to shake, watching Darren wince, taking hit after hit from her fingers. Flung around like a toy. There was blood running out of his nose and the side of his head. She hated herself so much. She hated him for making her do this. He had the knife. He was gripping it so tightly. All he had to do was strike.
“Fight me! Fight me! FIGHT ME!” She screamed at him as swept her index finger along and pulled his legs out from under him.
She couldn’t take any more. She burst into tears and buried her face in her hands as her head sank to the table beside where Darren lay on his back.
Aisell sobbed and sobbed. She sobbed for what she had done. For what she had done to Darren, for what she had done to Luke. She hated herself.
She opened her eyes as Darren wearily pulled himself to his feet, still clutching the knife. He was just a tear blurred outline but she could see him. She lifted her head and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. There was snot running from her nose. She wiped that away with her the back of her hand too, wiping the goo off onto her shorts.
“Darren, I’m sorry…” she sniffed. “I just want to help you.”
“By beating me?” He asked. There was a bit more life to him now than before she had unleashed on him.
“No!” She started before remembering that was the general idea. “Well yes…You’ve forgotten who you are! I’m trying to remind you who you are!”
“I know exactly who I am. I don’t need you to remind me.” He growled, knife still in hand.
Aisell paused, reading his face. She could see he was struggling. There was pain there. Not the pain she had inflicted on him but something much deeper.
“At best I’m a pet, at worst I’m food.” He said flatly.
“No!” Aisell blurted before Darren cut across her.
“Yes I am!” Darren barked, the pain on his face turning to rage. “Back on Earth I was a man. A strong man, a proud man. People looked to me for help, for guidance, for protection. I came out here to make sure Eyrn wouldn’t be on her own, that she’d be ok. She’s fine. She doesn’t need me! I’m just a burden to her now. I got her hauled before the courts, got her name dragged through the mud! She’d be better off without me. I should’a just let that girl eat me…”
“And what about Tapp, huh? What about her? She’d be dead if it wasn’t for you!” Aisell shot back just as angry now.
She waited, her eyes burning into his. Darren held her gaze for her a few seconds and then his eyes fell to the floor. There was the distinct rattle of metal on wood as Darren let go of the knife. Aisell’s heart sank.
“If she’s anything like me she probably wishes I’d just gone quietly.” All the life that had been in Darren over the past few minutes seemed to have gone. His shoulders were slumped and he just seemed to be staring off into space again.
“She’s grateful. You saved her life. Eyrn is grateful too! You gave up everything to stand by her. You’ve probably saved her life too. Who knows what would have happened without you here!?” Aisell pleaded trying to get through to the now seemingly lost Sergeant Avery.
“Doesn’t matter…” was the only response.
“Yes it does!” Aisell stressed.
Darren just shook his head. “I’m done Aisell, go live your life and leave me to rot in peace.
“Desperate times/desperate measures,” Mr. Relic. Maybe if someone had been as tough-loving as that, with Robin Williams… 😕
Urggh, Aisell really didn’t pick the best approach on this one to say the least. Like where was she even planning to go with that. If he fought back, was she going to try to let him win? Did she think he was that stupid? Sigh…
I will give her one over Naskia though in that she at least was in control of herself and didn’t risk killing him, people shouldn’t be comparing them yet. -_-
Really though, it seems like he just needs an actual reason to exist at this point. Maybe someone who actually needs him, rather than just trying to assuage their own guilt. The holosuite option mentioned is interesting, but there is only one author who actually uses the holosuite in the main arc stories and OHH isn’t writing this one lol.
Well with Naskia, it was attacking in a rage.
With Aisell, this was though out before hand, and she was pulling her hits. Basically only hitting him hard enough to knock him around, but not enough to really hurt him.
On top of that, you can see how much doing this devastated her, but she was just so desperate to get any kind of response out of him. She thought this would bring out the side he shared with her at the bar the night of the massacre. His competitive side, his soldier side.
In the end, she did get a something out of him: Anger. While that may not have been ideal, it’s still a fair bit better than just nothing at all. People are also ignoring the part of the story right before that scene, where Darren tells Pryvanni that what Aisell did there was a key part of getting him out of that slump he was in.
You two have been on fire lately. The rapid updates have been a treat.
With Aisell I can write a stupid amount quickly. I wrote 2200 words of her last night alone.
Such a shameless tease ! Shame Sir ! Shame ! 😀
Put Darren in a holosuit and have the safeties turned off and run the program that makes humans titan size and have him go at Aisell.
I suspect even with him titan sized he still would have let her beat seven shades of shit out of him with his current mindset. It would have just taken longer.
Interesting therapy technique Dr. Maris…..I’m not sure I would recommend it to my colleagues ….
I think Darren’s ego might be in the way here…btw I’m not a shrink but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express a few days ago..
Mr. Darren I understand your in a funk, been through terrible events and life seemingly is hopeless, but can you honestly say it is (was) worse than this man’s experience?;
http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0671023373/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409179520&sr=1-2&keywords=%27man%27s+search+for+meaning%27
Don’t give up Aisell, you’re almost there….
Btw Dr Aisell…According to people in the know (that I know) a patient gets better when he/she decides to get better….The humbling fact is that the therapist can do very little to affect this…
I’m not as offended as others that she assaulted him. She’s at her wits end…
(I’m talking to myself again, weird…)
“But can you honestly say it is (was) worse than this man’s experience?”
Probably not, but since every person is different their breaking points will also be in different places. Saying “hey, this other person endured worse than you and didn’t break” is no more fair than saying “hey, this other person got a PhD, why can’t you?”.
Interestingly enough, the author of that book concluded that the most basic human motivation is the will to meaning. Right now Darren’s life doesn’t have any meaning (in his opinion), and that’s what broke him.
In regards to the final bit I believe she was trying to stoke that since of pride and fierce combativeness she first saw in Darren when they talked before the feast. I think she got carried a way, and didn’t expect to take it that far, frustration clouding her judgement. That said it at least caused a reaction in him, I sure as hell wouldn’t recommend this treatment to most people, but maybe the drill instructor treatment worked on some level. Guess well see going forward.
The bit with UP and just the movie picking was hilarious, tossing away the pad and declaring it the worst thing to show him nearly caused me to nearly make a scene at work.
Powerful chapter.
Yeah, Aisell’s physical assault of Darren definitely crossed the line, but I can understand her frustration. Reading about Darren’s behaviour these last few chapters I myself feel the desire to slap some sense into him. But of course deep-seated psychological problems like Darren’s cannot be resolved with a mere slap or two.
In my opinion what Darren needs is a purpose, something to make him matter. Unfortunately he seems to be in no state of mind to find or even accept one right now.
“In my opinion what Darren needs is a purpose, something to make him matter.” And mine as well. I can see two possibilities: Avalon, and Tolbot.
A third possibility, and something that was hinted at in this chapter, would be to set up an organization with the goal of emancipating humanity, one that has humans and the other Empire species working together. In essence, the thing that TETH should have been. Aisell should still have that list with all the buyers of the 2013 abductees she got from from the pet seller on Titan station. Contacting them could go a long way toward setting up an initial network. In all likelihood not all the abductees will have been able to convince their owners of humanity’s true sentience level, but there should still be a significant number that did.
I really dont think beating Darren with her fingers to show him just how weak he is compared to a Titan was a good idea. But Im sure that wasnt her intention…
Man Aisell really is stubborn but I gotta respect her for that. Its obvious that she places blame on herself for what happened to Darren. As for Darren…well its hard not to be sad by his attitude but at the same time, a lot of what he says are things I can agree with.
So far, in this universe, humans are at the bottom: both in size and in technology. It really does seem like the universe was built for beings that are larger than them! Oh but wait, humans also live the shortest amount of time too! It Really it seems like humans are at every possible disadvantage.
I guess our only advantage is that humans can live on high gravity worlds…but even then, Titans have developed tech to circumvent that. I guess what Im trying to say is that its REALLY hard to argue with Darren when hes kinda right that humans are at the bottom and not just technologically either.
Well Avartle live for about 40 years and some Insectoids even less but yeah, Humans are towards the bottom of the ladder lifespan wise. And if Titans can go to high gravity worlds, they can’t colonize those worlds as it would require them to wear antigrav devices non-stop, like Eyrn. And she’s very small (for a Titan) because she grew up on Earth. It’s said somewhere (in Exile I think, from the nurse) that Titans can’t give birth on high gravity worlds for those reasons.
But yeah, I agree with you, everything Darren thought to himself these last chapters is true : Humanity will not get to explore the galaxy, we won’t be an independant species anymore (we never were but our psychology is based on that belief), we can be genocided ludicrously easily, etc. Hard to argue with all that : Darren’s depression is based on very harsh but very true facts.
That’s why I hope he doesn’t simply turn a switch in his head and just “stops” being depressed : his reality hasn’t changed. Even if he finds a new purpose for his life (other than protecting Eyrn), the context has forever changed; he knows Humanity’s place in the galaxy and it is very grim.
According to Pryvani in the first Titan novel, due to a human’s shorter life span and their never ending curiosity, they are advancing technological and societal at a much faster pace then Titans. If left alone, they probably could surpass Titans within a couple hundred years. And when they do eventually travel to the stars, yes they’ll be shock at the size difference. But humans will do as they’ve always done, adapt.
Err, the anti-grav tech seems really inconvenient, I don’t think a whole colony could rely on it all the time. Consider the power consumption and the constant risk that it would fail.
Not like it’s OP, but being able to exclusively colonize a certain type of planet will help a lot when you are late to the party and have to take the leftovers. The denser planets might be resource rich as well. And gravity would seem to be the hardest thing to “fix” by terraforming, what are you gonna do, hollow out the planet?
That plus the faster tech rate and the situation is not completely hopeless in the long term. Not that it helps Darren at all.
I don’t think that the power consumption would be a problem. Eyrn’s implants are powered by nothing more than the biothermal processes in her body, while a modern Imperial fusion reactor can provide enough power to fold spacetime several times (or blow up a continent if converted into a bomb). And failure could be prevented by sufficient redundancy.
Nonetheless, reading the wiki it’s obvious that Super-Mu class planets are rarely if ever colonized. Quite understandable; why go to the trouble of colonizing a high-gravity world when there are better prospects out there?
Something else that will help humanity’s future colonization prospects is that it appears that while the Empire has claimed a lot of territory, they have not exactly been using all of it. If I read the wiki entry about Vorsha and its solar system right, then you have to travel about one-third the distance between Earth and Archavia before you encounter a colony world with more than 25 million inhabitants. Earth and the region around it appear to be too distant from any of the Empire’s other homeworlds to attract much colonization interest.
If I haven’t gotten the timeline wrong then Contact starts around 2124 MA and if the original Titan started around 2102 MA then in 22 Titan years humanity has commercialized quantum computing, developed technology based on gravitics, developed nanotech weapons, and reached as far as Jupiter. That is a ridiculous jump in technology. That’s like if 1950’s era Earth suddenly got 2014 era Earth technology in a little over 20 years.
Well…not really. Consider that this is 141 years from now. 141 years ago was 1873. Internal combustion engines had existed for about 20 years. There were no airplanes, and indeed, many scientists believed heavier-than-air flight was impossible. The vacuum tube was still a decade away, and the transistor wasn’t even science fiction yet. Hell, there had only been a practical electric generator for two years! Nobody had heard of quantum mechanics. Nobody knew that there were such things as galaxies. The Big Bang Theory wouldn’t be advanced for sixty years.
Tell people in 1873 that their great-great-grandchildren would have pocket-sized devices linked to all the information in the world. Tell them that there would be not just cars, but airplanes taking people from Los Angeles to Tokyo in the space of hours. Tell them that humans would have set foot on the Moon, that they would have television. Then explain television, radio, and movies, as none of them existed.
Oh, and mention that we have weapons that can destroy a city in an instant.
Imagine the world of today through the eyes of someone from 1873. If anything, we haven’t been optimistic enough.
I was looking at it how fast we develop from a Titan perspective. Sure from a human perspective all the goodies we have in Contact took a very long time.
I really wish we could edit our posts.
You’re right that using the WWII to now comparison was bad. I doubt most if any Titan their 20 years ago would believe humanity would get to where it is right now. It also really shows how stagnant Avalon is if Earth could get so far within Pryvani’s lifespan while the Atlanteans are practically stuck in time.
KR1 : very good point about Avalon. We talked about this in the chatroom a lot.
If Campaign is any indication, it seems Avalon has progressed very fast in the future : if that’s true, NO WAY did that happen in so little time without heavy Titan “help” and influence.
I think it was you who said Avalon is a completely artificial society and I agree.
I’m not sure I would be optimistic about destroying a city in an instant 🙂 Technology is great if its used wisely. There are a lot of innovations today that to me are silly. Conversely there are some that are fantastic that are being held back due to social, political, social constraints
What a powerful chapter !!!!!!!
Agreed, though I am curious, is the knife in this chapter the same blade that he used to kill the titan that was trying to eat him? (I don’t remember her name, but she was an inhuman bitch anyway). If it was the same knife, and if I was Darren, I would keep the knife as a reminder of my life back on earth, and the struggle with which I used it to save Tapp and myself, but thats just me.
It’s not. I’m pretty sure I specified it was a shard of metal with a rubber handle that Aisell had made.
Ah, ok. my apologies then.
Aisell: A* for effort, U for execution.
I think had she realised that the massive chess pieces would only reinforce Darren’s insignificance and found a way to let him use a smaller chess board (via holoprojecter?) then she might have found a way to get back Darren though tbf, I would definitely be in the same situation as those around Darren in terms helping him out.
A very amusing interaction between Aisell and Lezah and it is very satisfying to know that Titans are also susceptible to cry in the opening minutes of a Child’s movie (I totally didn’t well up when I first saw Up… honest…)
Last bit was a bit tough to read, I understand that it was an attempt at her getting his fighting instinct back but the line between sparring and assault has been crossed which Aisell should’ve realised. It begs the question: what’s worse, a Naskia slap or Aisell Battering?
This is the lowest Aisell has gotten since she kept Luke inside the terrarium, maybe even lower.
What was she thinking? She decided that because Darren is a soldier that physically assaulting him would snap him out of his depression? What the fuck? She just reaffirmed how insignificant he is, first with chess, now with just her fingers. Then she has the nerve to “hate” Darren for making her attack him. Darren didn’t force her to start beating on him. This was her decision and hers alone. I get that Aisell is frustrated but this was a horrible way to help Darren and while we know he eventually snaps out of his depression, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t because of this.
I have mixed feelings from this chapter considering how awesome Aisell was in Nomad and how utterly stupid she is in this chapter.
I don’t think that was her logic, she was trying to get him to rediscover the will to live, even if it cost them their friendship. While I admit it was perhaps not very smart, as we’ve seen with Aisell before, her intentions were good, even if her actions were not. But what can I say, she’s only titan(a turn on the phrase only human). I think if there is one thing we’ve learnt about Aisell Maris from all her bits and pieces in every story she has been involved in past, present and future is that she’s not perfect. She’s still however miles ahead of other characters and citizens of the empire.
I don’t condone her actions, but her logic had some sense to it…even if ti was executed poorly.
You’re a bit harsh there KR1. Sure, that move was pretty dumb on Aisell’s part, it reinforced Darren’s idea of being a speck in a huge universe. But then again, she tried a lot of other things to no avail, so she made a mistake, she is not perfect. At least she tries, many titans don’t.
And let’s not forget : she DID get a reaction out of Darren with this. The fact that he wouldn’t let go of the knife, his reaction to the poem and the mention of his dad and grandad. And of course, him lashing out at the end : more emotion and more words than he had expressed in months.
It did work to some degree.
The thing is I don’t condone the physical beating at all. If you have to resort to that then you’ve already failed.
I will say that the chess and movie ideas weren’t bad. Those were honest mistakes. It’s just her final attempt that soured the entire thing.
Oh, I don’t condone it either. It was wrong but I’m willing to file it under “dumb but honest” mistake. I don’t know, I feel forgiving tonight, don’t know why… Maybe tomorrow I’ll be on the ” Shame on you Aisell !!!” 😀
i think Aisell should pass the “job” to Lezah! After it’s her who is succesful with Luke.
“The beatings shall continue until morale has improved.”
Cheers dude. Sprayed my juice all over the screen.
I can see why she did that, but it left me with a bad feeling too. That’s a very abusive way to go about therapy.